It’s easy to find ourselves in conversations about the way past experiences are helping us accomplish our goals now. Maybe it’s our first job, learning from our aunt’s passion, or a movie that gave us potent experiences that continue to resonate.
Survivors of child abuse didn’t explore the landscape of childhood; they hunted for paths that might avoid landmines of harm. Whether they tip-toed with caution or brought their guns of anger, their primary focus was getting through another day. Secrets and survival were the guiding forces. Personal growth was the friend you didn’t bring home.
Linear time has no meaning to our personal spirit. It’s part of a dimension that curls in on its self even as it soars along the far edges of infinite potential. Somewhere in there, each of us has our unique pace. The clocks might call to us in tick, tick, ticking attention, but our spirit knows its own time.
We were talking about Venus passing in front of the sun. My husband was enthusiastic about the breadth and depth of science that made it possible to predict such far-reaching celestial movements. I listened to his wonder and realized I look out a completely different window to ‘see’ what is happening in the sky above.
I know the science is there, but I feel more connected to the random beauty of something much bigger than me. It’s the same kind of mysterious magic I saw when I was a child watching the shimmering, rainbow-colored bubbles blown out of plastic sticks dipped in a bottle. For me, Venus was a messenger passing by to remind me beliefs are energy.
Though passing time ferried us out of our childhood sexual abuse, many of us continue to feel stuck in the same current. In the river of life, we feel unable to paddle to new possibilities for happiness.
Our moods and needs determine how we feel about rain as we dash between the drops or turn our face upward to enjoy its glory. A rain storm is a monster inconvenience. It’s manna for plants, joyous puddle-makers for kids. It’s Mother Nature’s tears, turning sunny days into depressing gray.
Answers and energy for our dreams come to us as steadily as the surf. We can miss them if we get lost in old thoughts or rush forward, but they keep coming. Self awareness helps us notice the waves of our potential. It makes all the difference so we don’t walk along the beaches of our dreams making footprints in the sands of time while the surf sings our song.
Each of us is challenged by desires that don't fit the collection of beliefs we have gathered over time. We carry a backpack filled with things we want but can't seem to manifest. And when we look around, it often seems others have walked many miles in the experience we are seeking. Our yearnings fit in their lives like a pair of comfortable, old shoes.
Author Jeanne McElvaney Offers An Insightful Journey Into The World Of Childhood Sexual Abuse
It’s only been thirty years since Judith Herman's newly published book labeled sexual abuse a crime, challenging social belief that it was harmless. Survivors began telling their stories. For the first time in history, social attitudes began supporting the victims of perpetrators.
Childhood sexual abuse severely diminishes self awareness. Ask a survivor what others need from them and you will get an instantaneous, perceptive, clear listing. We are tuned into this as though our life depended on it. And it often did.